Cheney’s (Still) Got a Gun

Jokes from big comedians about the president…I mean vice president, about the recent shooting

“Here’s my favorite part of this whole incident. After Cheney shot the
guy, the police later showed up at the ranch where Cheney was staying
and wanted to talk to him, but was told to come back the next morning.
And that’s what they did, they came back the next morning. Kev, that
ever happen in the hood?”– Jay Leno

“Over the weekend while on a hunting trip down in Texas, Vice President
Dick Cheney accidentally shot a member of his hunting party. He
apologized. In fact, he told Brit Hume that he was actually trying to
hit Cindy Sheehan.” –Jay Leno

“Cheney now says he can’t blame the shooting on the guy who got shot. He
said we tried that for three days. It didn’t work.” –Jay Leno

“Hillary Clinton
blasted the vice president today for failing to disclose all the facts.
She wants Dick Cheney to give exact details. You know like, “How do you
shoot someone and make it look like an accident?” –Jay Leno

“Rumors are that the reason Dick Cheney didn’t say anything about the hunting accident for about 24 hours was because he had been drinking. And I’m thinking, well jeez, he was
probably drinking when we planned the invasion of Iraq .”–David Letterman

“Dick Cheney and his buddies go down there hunting in Texas, and Dick
Cheney guns down a guy. And they’re hunting quail, and the quail
disappeared. They vanished. And reports now that they’re hiding in the
mountainous area near Pakistan” –David Letterman

“They were in a car, they drive along, they get out of the car, he
shoots his friend in the face, then they get back in the car and they go
hide for 18 hours. That�s not hunting … that’s an episode of ‘The
Sopranos'” –Jay Leno

“See, this is why Republicans have to commit white collar crimes to
steal money. They’re just not good with guns, they don’t know how to
handle them.” –Jay Leno

“A mere five days after shooting a man in the face, Vice President Dick
Cheney broke his silence about the incident by submitting to a
no-holds-barred grilling at a public press conference. I’m just kidding.
… Actually, he sat down with Brit Hume on Fox News for not some much a
grilling — more of a teat suckle.” –Jon Stewart

“Cheney says he feels terrible about what happened. The man he shot was
his friend and if he could, he’d give him the central processing unit
right out of his own heart to make up for it.” –Jimmy Kimmel

There was some talk that the vice president had been drinking before he
went out to shoot and it turns out that was true. Cheney said he did
have a beer during lunch. One beer, and the only reason he even drank it
was to wash down the three hits of ecstasy.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Everybody is in the Valentine’s mood. For example, earlier today Dick
Cheney shot his buddy in the ass with an arrow.” –David Letterman

“You can’t blame [Cheney]. Bush says you can spy on people without
warrants, you can torture people, you can hold people without a trial,
so Dick Cheney thinks, ‘Oh what the hell, I can shoot a few guys.'”
–Jay Leno

“I’m surprised Dick Cheney loves to hunt so much. The five times the
government tried to give him a gun, he got a deferment.” –Jay Leno

“After Whittington had a heart attack, Cheney said, “You big baby. I get
those all the time. Walk it off.” –Jay Leno

“Remember when the most embarrassing thing to happen to a vice-president
was misspelling the word potato?” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Police are still investigating. They want to know why Cheney was unable
to see the hunter at the time of the accident. And, they also want to
know how Cheney wound up with his wallet.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“We can’t get bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney.” –David
Letterman

“The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big
Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of
laundered cash. So he’s fine. He took a little in the wallet.” –David
Letterman

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